+++
slug = "fear"
title = "On fear"
date = "2025-01-22"
[taxonomies]
Tags = ["Life", "Transgender", "Politics"]
+++

I'm afraid, and I don't know what to do about it.

<!-- more -->

I don't even know what to write here.
I don't have any big insights.
But I am scared.
I'm scared for all the trans people in the US.
I'm scared for all the immigrants in the US.

I feel bad about it, but what I'm most scared of is that the clusterfuck that is happening in the US will come over to Belgium.
And I'm privileged as fuck.
I have a good-paying job, friends and family who support me, an apartment I own.
But I'm still scared.
People around me seem to be mostly coping with the current events through multiple layers of sarcasm and irony.
I try to play along, but I can't do it.
Things feel too momentous and too fucked to do it.

History teaches that popular opinion can change quickly.
I don't know what to do to make sure that it doesn't turn against people like me.
I'm trans.
I'm also less and less out about it.
At my previous job, I was out and proud at work.
But I still don't feel comfortable coming out at my current one.
I'm not out at the Red Cross instance I volunteer at.
The only thing I can think of to do my part in preventing the popular opinion change I'm scared about is being more and more out.
But I'm afraid to come out.
I probably shouldn't be.
But I am.

The ramble above probably won't help.
There are no conclusions here.
But I needed to get this off my chest.
At least this feeling is out there now.
